Some background information: Lilah was due on October 4th, 2010. By the 14th, at 41 weeks and 3 days, she still hadn't made her appearance and so began my induction. I believe the plan was to start with Cervidil, wait over night and continue with pitocin in the morning. Well, long story short, we didn't make it that far. A few hours after they inserted the Cervidil, right as my eyes were closing for the night, I had my first contraction at 7cm dilated. Three and a half hours later with the help of my nurse, doctor and amazing man-doula husband, at 5:20AM on October 15th, 2010 (also my birthday!!) Lilah was born in all her 7 pound 5 ounce glory! Here is her story, copied from our previous blog which we've decided to keep private.
Hilary's Version
Thursday October 14th (happily thinking I'm glad our baby didn't choose the 13th), late evening. Dr. Grainger inserts the Cervidil - a relatively uncomfortable procedure, but super quick and once it was in I was none the wiser. No one had any idea how long it would take to start things moving along as it's different for every woman. Had I any idea it would work so quickly I would have prepared myself mentally for what was to come - but I had already gotten my hopes up about having this little girl in my arms already that I tried not to think that anything was happening. 2:00am. What the. Oh, phew I could breath through that one pretty easily. I bet it wasn't a real contraction. But wait a minute, there it is again...exactly the same, only exponentially worse. I kinda feel like I have to poop, maybe I should go try...oh wow, another one, even worse than the last. This has to be it, I'm finally in labour. Noel wakes up and hears me working through my fourth contraction. From here on in, things get quite blurry. This feels nothing like I thought it would. All the pain was in my lower back and sacrum - I felt nothing, not a single thing in my abdomen. I remember that lying down wasn't the best way to work through them, so I get on all fours and wiggle my bottom in circles during each contraction. Yes. That feels better. Breathing in through my nose. Out through my mouth. I remember a lady using the 'bumblebee breathing' so I try that too. It actually helps to make a little calm buzzing noise. Noel's hand on my back feels so good, he's trying so hard to make this somehow less painful. The nurse brings in a birthing ball, which I'm really excited to try out until I actually get on it and feel like I'm about to torn in half - not to mention the fetal monitors kept falling off which was highly distracting. Being induced meant I had to be monitored the entire time, which I kind of liked, but I quickly became paranoid about the rate of the baby's heart beating, not that it ever sounded any alarms.
I remember thinking that things were getting a little out of hand. This labouring pain was a little to real. I'm shaking like a leaf, my mouth is chattering and I'm shivering like it's cold. But I'm not cold. Could I really handle the rest of it? I'm sure there are hours and hours left before anything major happens. Maybe an epidural isn't such a bad idea after all, so I play with the idea and mentioned it out loud as if it's just a thought. I suddenly have a new understanding for women who get one. I'm moaning and starting to growl a little bit when the nurse removes the cervidil and checks me. What?? 7 cm?? But somehow that number meant nothing to me after the next contraction. Each one is stronger, feels longer and more like death than the last. I forget that 10 cm is the bend to the finish line. Only 3 cm left, but I needed that epidural like I needed a brain to live. This pain is nothing like I could have ever imagined, I blame the cervidil - damn induction, screwing with my whole birth plan. How could I possibly be 7 cm already? Holy I'm really making a lot of noise, and...I don't care. I always thought I'd be a silent labourer, but in this moment, there's no way I can't MAAAKE NOOOOOIIISE.
I have no idea what's happening now. They're scooting me off the bed into a wheelchair. Wait...what? I have to SIT?? I hope you know you only have a few seconds to get me to wherever I'm going before another contraction comes, or I'll have to stop drop and roll out of this thing to get me through the next one. Oh that breeze feels nice, yes, please push me faster. What does my hair look like right now? Ooooh holy lord here it comes, and I'm still in the damn chair. Half way through it we get to the bed and I jump out and onto it and immediately grab the railing and hold on for dear life as I get through the next contraction. I tried imagining each one being an ocean wave, coming and going, and then wanted to vomit all over those words I once read. Was it normal to feel this nauseous? Yes, apparently so. I realized I haven't opened my eyes since we left the last room. I quickly got a peek of where we were, noticed the little nook of the room where the baby will go when she's born to be checked over before another contraction came. I'm on all fours again, that was the last time I open my eyes for a while. Opening them was like letting the pain all the way through my soul, there was too much stimulation. With them closed, I could pretend to be wherever I wanted to be (no where in particular if you're wondering) and I didn't care where I was, or who was there listening to me make the worst noise I've ever heard come out of a human being. During a contraction, my body tells me to push, and what I thought was my water breaking was a gush of blood. That was terrifying. What was happening to me?! Is everything ok? No one seemed alarmed, so I quickly forgot about it with the next contraction. I notice poor Noel is wearing a clean snuggly white shirt - I should have known that was a bad idea and spoke it outloud to him in my brief moment of sanity. He doesn't care. What a sweet heart.
Where in the hell was that epidural??? Did I really want it?! YES. Yes, I definitely want it. There's no way I'm going to live through this without it. I'm going to pass out or die on this bed and they're going to have to cut this baby girl out of me if I don't get the epidural. It came to a point, I don't remember when, that I realized it was too late to get it. I don't know if it was someone who told me, or if I just instinctively knew that the time had come and gone. And how the hell they were going to stick a needle in my back between contractions was beyond my comprehension. It seemed like they had a window of 10 seconds, and that doesn't seem like nearly long enough to get the epidural going. So that's it. No painkilling drugs. And none of that laughing gas either please. Kudos to whomever can hold that damn mask up to their face while in labour. There was no way I was going to occupy a hand with that nonsense. I needed them both to grab onto whatever I could to stop my world from collapsing in on itself. So this is what it's come down to. I can either die right here, or have this baby. Obviously I choose the latter, I'm in no mood to die no matter how badly I feel that I'm going to. I tear off my hospital gown and sports bra. Anything touching my skin is too distracting to keep on. I needed to be 100% focused on the task at hand if I was going to even attempt to make it through alive. I keep having this incredible urdge to push, and I give into it so dearly as I listen to my body telling me what to do next. It seems to come at the peak of a contraction, and then dies down. It feels so good to be so damn noisy, but I feel bad for whoever can hear me. I hope I haven't scared any of the other labouring women...
I realized we haven't even called my mom yet, she should be here too. But there's no way I can do without Noel for even a moment. I need him, his full attention, all 100% of his man-doula-ness. I don't even get a chance to tell him I was thinking about my mom. I'm on all fours again, pushing and trying to make low sounds as instructed by the amazing nurse. "LOOOoooooowwwwwww..." I say during one of the contractions. I kind of make myself laugh. This is it, I think I'm losing all mental awareness and control. I noticed the doctor at my other end of my stance, on all fours in all my naked glory. I never, not even once thought about how gross my butt must have looked in that position. There is no room for vanity when in labour. I can't believe I felt that I needed to have my toes painted for this. Another contraction, and I'm pushing with all my might because no one said not to. SPLASH. What in the hell?? I look down between my legs, there is water dripping everywhere and I didn't feel a thing. I have a sudden sense of relief until the next contraction. Oh. My. God.
The nurse tells me to try squatting and grab a hold of the bar at the end of the bed. With your next contraction, I want you to push, she said. Pardon? Push? Like PUSH push? For real? It's time to push?! Holy shit!! OK!! It felt SO. GOOD. TO PUSH. I could have pushed for DAYS if they wanted me to. Push with your stomach, not with your face, she said. Right, ok. I can do that. Man I pushed hard. I pushed with all my might. The harder I pushed, the better I felt. It was just so damn hard to get air in between the breaths and contractions though. I felt like I was drowning. I'm squeezing Noel as hard as I can. Our foreheads are touching and I feel like he's pushing with me, which makes me feel so good that I push even harder. The nurse keeps saying that I'm doing such a great job. THAT'S the push. Those are the best words you could ever hear. Finally I have some control over the situation, and I'm doing a good job at it too. I can do this!!
Holy Hell. It's starting to burn really bad down there. The nurse guided my hand to the little sliver of my baby's head poking out of what I thought was once a tiny I peed out of. I keep pushing, managing about 3 long pushes with each contraction. Gasping for air between each push. I can do this. It is REALLY burning. Are you sure things are ok down there? Is it supposed to burn like this? Am I pushing too hard to fast? I can feel the doctor maneuvering her fingers and hands, pressing down on my perineum, trying to work her way around my stretched skin and the baby's head. This is almost it. She's helping me birth the baby's head. Holy crap. I'm still pushing as hard as I can, then I'm told to just give little pushes so I start panting like Noel and I used to practice late at night before bed. Her head is out!! HER HEAD!!! I thought the rest of her body was supposed to just ooze out. Not the case. That burns nearly as bad, but I don't notice it at this point because I simply can't believe that there's a full-sized baby coming out of my vagina. Who invented this?! How is it even possible!!
She's here!!! My baby is here!! The nurse plops this slimy purple body on my chest. She's crying, shivering, her little fingers stretched out like she's grasping for something that she forgot inside me. I'm holding her, touching her, all I can say is "Oh My God". And "Hiiiiii Babyyyy". They ask if Noel wants to cut the cord, and I hear that it's harder than you think it's going to be. I'm so proud of my husband. How did he just make it through this with me? I barely get a glimpse of our baby before I start to notice that contractions are still happening, and I feel tiny little tugs coming from inside. Oh ok, the placenta. And I guess the doctor is gently helping it out. I briefly think back to my research and remember that it's a controversial technique to help birth the placenta, but I'm sure she knows what she's doing. Before I know it, I feel another contraction. I thought that I was supposed to be so euphoric at this point that I wouldn't notice it! Nope. Thanks cervidil. The nurse takes my baby away, I'm almost thankful because I feel so faint and shaky that I'm worried I'll drop her. I'm comforted by the fact that Noel can be with her now, hold her hand and talk to her. Take pictures. What's her name? they asked. I told Noel to choose her name - I was in no state of mind to be making those kinds of decisions. He knew already what it was, Lilah. It's perfect I remember thinking.
That's it. Lilah's here. I'm alive. I made it through all of that. The doctor is freezing my perineum and stitching me up. I'd gotten a 2nd degree tear, no idea what that means, though it's totally normal. And I'm happy that I tore instead of getting an episiotomy. Did I tear down AND up? I forget if I asked, and I still don't know the answer. Stitching was pretty painful. I felt like I could feel everything, even though the doctor reassured me that she wasn't doing anything at all while I moaned about how much it stung. I'm still so shaky. The nurse brings me some toast with jam. This was the best toast with jam I have EVER had in my entire life. I call my mom to tell her that we accidentally had the baby. She's there in no time, and we agree now that it was probably best she wasn't there to see me in such a state. She wouldn't have done well, and neither would have I. I'm ravishingly hungry and thirsty beyond all belief. I gobble up the toast, and drink two bottles of ensure that my mom had in her bag. A nurse comes in and asks if I'd like to try to pee. I'm terrified at the thought, but know that I just have to get through it. I tried, I couldn't. So I had to lie back down and she inserted a catheter to drain me out. I asked her how much it would hurt, as if anything could compare to what I just went through. It wasn't so bad. I'm just glad that she got the pee out. There was A LOT of it.
Everything else we read and learned seem to go out the window. All the books we brought in our hospital bags remained unopened. There was no time to re-read them, and no way that information was useful anymore. The only thing I could do was breath, and I let my body do the rest. I had no control over anything besides trying to stay mentally present, which I realize now that I did a pretty good job. Trying to control anything more would have been futile. That wasn't something you could control, or contain, or guide in any one direction. It was happening just as sure as the world spins. It all happened so fast. Yes, I splashed the doctor. I even pooped two or three times. See? No control. And you don't give a darn either.
And here we are now. She's here. Lilah's here. All 7 lbs 5 oz of squishy sweet goodness. I can't believe that we made her, this little miracle. A human being, full of love and life. A perfect mix of the man I adore and love and me. Exactly the two of us in one entity, the perfect symbol of our love for each other. It feels so unreal to have a daughter. I still don't feel like I've completely grasped the idea of it all. I'm a mom. Noel's a dad. Together we have this little life to take care of and nourish, love and teach. How did we get here? When was it decided that this would happen? I'm amazed. We're here. And I'm so in love.
Noel's Version
It all started on Tuesday October 12th. We were already one week and 2 days late and we were fresh off a Thanksgiving weekend. We were set for what proved to be our last PRE-Natal appointment at the maternity clinic, but the problem was, we had the carpet guy coming in for the basement so we asked my dad to come house sit while we went to potentially "Have a baby." We packed up all of our bags and everything...
The ultra sound was actually pretty long and boring, especially since the baby was perfect, and her fluid was perfect. We had to sit there and wait over half an hour until she practiced breathing. Hilary's mom sat in on the ultrasound too because she was just as anxious as we were. From the ultra sound, we went for lunch. We had burgers... mmmm... burgers.
Anways, at the appointment we met a new docter named Dr. G. That name because pretty important over the next couple of days. She was very nice of course, but she assessed Hilary and said she was again only maybe 2 cm dialated. To us that meant, nothing had changed since last week even though Hilary thought she was having "silent" contractions over the weekend. So her cervix was irritated by the doctor again, this time a lot more aggressively which was very uncomfortable for Hilary, but at this point, anything to move things along. Dr. G said that the hospital will be calling us on Thursday to arrange an induction. The type of induction (Gel or IV) would be completely dependent on her assessment come Thursday. So we went home feeling pretty discouraged once again, especially since deep down, both us felt uneasy about introducing medical intervention to our so far "flawless" pregnancy. The last week was full of fluctuations in adrenaline that was getting really tiresome, but we tried to stay patient and poised for eachother and the baby.
Wednesday, October 13th: Rest day
With our potential induction coming Hilary and I really wanted to take it easy. Her mom asked if we wanted to put the baseboards in the basement, but we really did need to rest for the next day, so Hilary and I took advantange of our new Shaw services and watched Role Models. Really good laugh. Good day of rest, but neither of us slept great because once again we were anticipating the induction the next day. We were learning not to get too excited, because it really does take its toll on the mind and body. Both of which were needed for labour.
Thursday, October 14th: Supposed induction day
We didn't sleep in... Why? Because we realized that we had no idea when the hospital would call us. Could be at 8am or 10pm. We weren't informed... (Would have been a good question to ask the doctor 2 days ago) So we shower and get ready like we are going to be called any time. A couple of hours go by, and we call the clinic and ask if they can give us any idea about when they will call. So we find out that we are #5 on the list of induction patients to be called, and they haven't even called #1 yet. We might not even be called today! The lady at the clinic says the latest they would call would be 9 or 10pm so you probably won't go until tomorrow. When we find all of this out, it is another one of those discouraging moments. Here we go again... What we both cling to is the fact that all these extra times waiting means extra time one on one with eachother. Easy way to stay positive because we really do cherish being with eachother. We end up watching Changeling with Angelina Jolie on the PVR. Interesting movie, but why did the call it that. By the time the movie was over it was 8:30pm and Hilary and I think about getting ready for bed again. Ring, Ring....
Right away I think it is Hilary's mom just checking up on us. I'm sure Hilary thought the same thing because mentally we had thrown the possibility of getting called by the hospital out the window, especially after what the clinic said. The number started with 944. The hospital. Even the lady at the hospital made it sound like we would be assessed then sent home. Boy were we wrong...
We calmly get ourselves ready for the hospital. Bags are already packed.
We get to the hospital leave the bags in the car. I have to take care of some administrative things on the main floor. I thought I knew my way through the hospital, but apparently not. I leave Hils momentarily to go downstairs. Somehow, I find myself using the service elevators instead of the main elevators and see signs like "intensive care." I calmly retrace my steps and get to where I need to be.
When I get back, I search for Hilary in one of the Triage rooms using my kissing noises to track her down. I find her behind a curtain with a nurse and wearing a hospital gown. Even that kind of striked me as a sign of things to come. She really looks like a patient. The place the fetal heart monitors on Hilary and see that our baby is doing great! Heart rate going up with movements. Hilary has to press a button every time she feels some movement. The nurse who was an older lady said and I quote "Textbook!" The sheet that logged the baby's heart looked perfect and textbook apparently.
With that kind of dialogue, as Hilary and I have moments to discuss the situation we are beginning to convince ourselves that we are going home. We even ease drop on a couple a curtain away that is being told as we speak that the will need to come back on Saturday!!! We stay patient and positive (or atleast try to be).
In walks Dr. G! We just met her this past Tuesday. She was awesome, and we are so happy to see a familiar face. She discussed the induction options and based on her assessment, Hilary will be receiving Cervadil. I'm confused... Weren't we supposed to go home tonight? I kindly ask the doctor, and she basically says, "Hilary is staying, you are going." Ok... Didn't really see that coming, but it just tells me, we still have long to wait and I gotta get our labour bag in the car. Boy was I wrong.
What usually happens with these types of situations is Hilary goes down to the antepartum unit where expecting mothers stay overnight and await a labour & delivery room (depending on how far along they are). There is no room down there, so they end up finding us this side room in the labour and delivery unit that is not really used that much, but the GREAT thing is that I can stay with her in this room overnight! We are ecstatic! At this point, we didn't care if it was a closet as long as we got to stay side by side. Maybe it was just the fear of the unknown, or maybe it was fate.
We get to this room that has a bed and a chair that is keeping an additional door closed. What is sweet is that it is right by the washroom which we use to brush our teeth and get ready for bed. We glance looks at eachother as we unpack our things and make camp for the night, smile and say, "this is fun." At this point, I can tell that Hilary is so relieved that I get to stay. Even though some would feel they are getting the short end of the stick, we somehow feel we are getting special treatment. A really nice nurse assists us in getting settled and we try to turn down for the night. I find this nursing chair to sit on and put my legs on the foot of the hospital bed that Hilary is sleeping in. She has that Cervadil stuff in her working its magic. We go to bed at 12am...
What's that noise? Even though it was the most uncomfortable chair and position in the world, I manage to squeeze out maybe 10 minutes of actual sleep. But I wake up to some heavy "in through the nose out through the mouth" breathing. "What's going on baby?" I look at my watch and see 2:03am. Apparently Hilary has actually started labour. Thinking that it was still early labour, I try to sleep a bit more but keep on getting awaken by these regular breathing patterns. I should get up.
So I start timing these contractions. The Iphone contraction timer app completely blows. Instead I begin to use my stopwatch on the iphone and simply hit "Lap" every time a contraction begins. Sooo much easier. I'm curious to see that these contractions are only about 2.5 minutes apart. "That's weird." I'm gonna get her some water. I see the nice nurse who took us to the room and she asks how we are doing. I say "we are doing fine. And just so you know, I think her contractions have started." She says that she will come and check on us in a bit. I come back to Hilary who is now in definite pain from these contractions. I can tell she is really having a tough time coping. I try massaging her back, but that proves to be too much, she just wants me to place my had where the pain is. If I have any advice for guys out there anticipating helping their wives through labour, try not to do too much, be there, get ice chips and water regularly, keep lip chap close by, and offer works of encouragement. That's it. Stop trying to control a situlation you really can't control. Enter the nurse who asks how far apart the contractions are. I tell her and she says, "Really?" I later find out that she was telling her colleagues that she didn't think we were doing it right. She leaves us and we continue working our way through contractions. The nurse brings back one of those big bouncy balls and we try to use that during contractions. Hilary doesn't like it at all. The pain is becoming unbearable! Finally the nurse says, maybe we should assess you and see how far along you are. She finds that Hilary is already 7cms!
I can see that the nurse is very surprised and she immediately leaves the room and tries to get us into a labour and delivery room. By the time she gets back, Hilary and I have already talked about the epidural. Hilary tells me thought she will likely need it. This pain is crazy! The sounds coming out of Hilary are furious. She turns into the HULK. For a moment it sounds like a horror movie when the helpless women screeches at the top of her lungs. We are reminding by the nurse that the sounds have to be lower in pitch and breath had to be slow. Good call, because otherwise we would have awaken the entire unit. Hilary has some pipes on her. During the next contraction, the nurse picks up on the sound of the urge to push from Hilary (amongst all the crazy noises she is making). "Hilary, are you feeling the urge to push?" "YES!" Calmly and urgently the nurse says, ok, after the next contraction, we need to get her onto this wheel chair and take her to the delivery room! I start packing like a madman. We are scattered across the entire room and I gotta pack quickly before the contraction starts. Hilary needs me! I've already discovered that the contractions last about a minute and a half, and it helped to let her know when the contraction was half over so the end of it was near. Contraction begins and Hils begins to focus on her breathing once again. She was doing UNBELIEVABLE!!! Even though she mentioned the epidural she was coping great and deep down I knew she could do without, but it wasn't up to me. Hilary was being an absolute warrior. I really didn't know she had it in her. So determined, so focussed... amazing.
Once that contraction was over, we get her on the wheel chair and the nurse hurries her to the next room. "Hilary if you want me to stop when the next contraction starts just let me know. We will do whatever feels best for you." We get to the labour and delivery room that is friggin on the other side of the unit and I put everything in the corner. I get a moment again with Hilary and she says "Epidural, no question!" Meaning, "don't ask me again, this is what I need." The pain according to Hilary felt like dieing at this point. The nurse orders the epidural and we continue.
Dr. G pays us a visit and assesses us and suggests the laughing gas as we wait for the epidural. Hilary tries it, and immediately throws it away because it makes her feel gross. In preparation for the epidural, Hilary gets an IV. Once we are assessed the doctor decides it is time to push. The contractions are just crazy at this point. What I didn't know about pushing was that it helps with coping because you get to start pushing against the contractions. Pushing begins at about 4:15am.
Time has passed likely a freight train. Every time we push, we do so in 10 second intervals, then a quick gasp of breath and another 10 seconds until the contraction is over. Hilary is just exhausted. But the water is not quite broken yet... surprisingly. Hilary tries a pushing position on all 4s.
Breaking the water:
With Hilary on all 4s butt facing out, the doctor goes in to break her water. But as this is happening, a contraction starts and Hilary starts pushing. With a sound like 5 water balloons breaking over a window, her water doesn't break, but it splashes like a tsunami, and guess whose face is right in harms way...Dr. G. Poor thing. It was sooo funny, but the last thing I could do at that time was laugh. The nurse and I had a nice laugh about it afterwards!
All we could do at this point was continue to go through the motions. The anesthesiologist walks in with the epidural, and Shannon quickly waves her off saying "too late." I don't know how Hilary kept the energy to push for that long. They becom more and more intense, and we have to will eachother to get through them. Whether it is Hilary squeezing my hand, me placing my had on her back, or us pushing our heads together and pushing with intensity, we fight through. I felt closer to her than ever!
At one point, as Hilary struggled through the time between contractions because the baby's head was right there, the nurse asks Hilary to feel down there. "That's the baby's head!" As if it would give Hilary that extra bit of energy to finish strong. What a great nurse!
Seeing only a sliver of the baby's head and seeing how much pain she was in, I wonder how the rest of her could possibly get through that tiny hole. CRAZY! The nurse uses mineral oil to soften things up down there so she can stretch more. Once she crowns, Hilary feels the imfamous "Ring of Fire." I see what it looks like and understand exactly how it got its name. By this time, Hilary is in a squat like position with a bar in arms length so she can pull on it with her biceps to push more effectively. I run and get the camera.
She pushes until I see the baby's head and face, (still motionless), then the rest of her comes out. This beautiful purplish body. I was immediately surprised to see that she wasn't covered in too much goop. She is also so long, and more and more baby keeps coming out of my wife! Finally I hear an enormous cry which is the sweetest sound on the face of this planet. We immediately start balling and saying "oh my god, oh my god!" We can't believe we made it here! Hilary looks completely exhausted. I'm trying to take pictures of her fresh out of the womb. Dr. G gets me to cut the cord and places the baby directly onto Hilary's bare chest. We can't hold back tears.
Lilah was born at 5:20am, October 15th, 2010. 7lbs, 5oz of absolute cuteness. No words can express how proud I am of your amazing Mamma! She did it like a warrior. I always knew she was special, but what she was able to do was an absolute miracle. I now have 2 miracles in my life making me the luckiest man in the world. Our family begins again. Thank God both my girls are healthy and thank you Hilly for this gift. I'll spend the rest of my life thanking you for all you've done for us.
(Our gorgeous Lilah, about 10 days old)
The ultra sound was actually pretty long and boring, especially since the baby was perfect, and her fluid was perfect. We had to sit there and wait over half an hour until she practiced breathing. Hilary's mom sat in on the ultrasound too because she was just as anxious as we were. From the ultra sound, we went for lunch. We had burgers... mmmm... burgers.
Anways, at the appointment we met a new docter named Dr. G. That name because pretty important over the next couple of days. She was very nice of course, but she assessed Hilary and said she was again only maybe 2 cm dialated. To us that meant, nothing had changed since last week even though Hilary thought she was having "silent" contractions over the weekend. So her cervix was irritated by the doctor again, this time a lot more aggressively which was very uncomfortable for Hilary, but at this point, anything to move things along. Dr. G said that the hospital will be calling us on Thursday to arrange an induction. The type of induction (Gel or IV) would be completely dependent on her assessment come Thursday. So we went home feeling pretty discouraged once again, especially since deep down, both us felt uneasy about introducing medical intervention to our so far "flawless" pregnancy. The last week was full of fluctuations in adrenaline that was getting really tiresome, but we tried to stay patient and poised for eachother and the baby.
Wednesday, October 13th: Rest day
With our potential induction coming Hilary and I really wanted to take it easy. Her mom asked if we wanted to put the baseboards in the basement, but we really did need to rest for the next day, so Hilary and I took advantange of our new Shaw services and watched Role Models. Really good laugh. Good day of rest, but neither of us slept great because once again we were anticipating the induction the next day. We were learning not to get too excited, because it really does take its toll on the mind and body. Both of which were needed for labour.
Thursday, October 14th: Supposed induction day
We didn't sleep in... Why? Because we realized that we had no idea when the hospital would call us. Could be at 8am or 10pm. We weren't informed... (Would have been a good question to ask the doctor 2 days ago) So we shower and get ready like we are going to be called any time. A couple of hours go by, and we call the clinic and ask if they can give us any idea about when they will call. So we find out that we are #5 on the list of induction patients to be called, and they haven't even called #1 yet. We might not even be called today! The lady at the clinic says the latest they would call would be 9 or 10pm so you probably won't go until tomorrow. When we find all of this out, it is another one of those discouraging moments. Here we go again... What we both cling to is the fact that all these extra times waiting means extra time one on one with eachother. Easy way to stay positive because we really do cherish being with eachother. We end up watching Changeling with Angelina Jolie on the PVR. Interesting movie, but why did the call it that. By the time the movie was over it was 8:30pm and Hilary and I think about getting ready for bed again. Ring, Ring....
Right away I think it is Hilary's mom just checking up on us. I'm sure Hilary thought the same thing because mentally we had thrown the possibility of getting called by the hospital out the window, especially after what the clinic said. The number started with 944. The hospital. Even the lady at the hospital made it sound like we would be assessed then sent home. Boy were we wrong...
We calmly get ourselves ready for the hospital. Bags are already packed.
We get to the hospital leave the bags in the car. I have to take care of some administrative things on the main floor. I thought I knew my way through the hospital, but apparently not. I leave Hils momentarily to go downstairs. Somehow, I find myself using the service elevators instead of the main elevators and see signs like "intensive care." I calmly retrace my steps and get to where I need to be.
When I get back, I search for Hilary in one of the Triage rooms using my kissing noises to track her down. I find her behind a curtain with a nurse and wearing a hospital gown. Even that kind of striked me as a sign of things to come. She really looks like a patient. The place the fetal heart monitors on Hilary and see that our baby is doing great! Heart rate going up with movements. Hilary has to press a button every time she feels some movement. The nurse who was an older lady said and I quote "Textbook!" The sheet that logged the baby's heart looked perfect and textbook apparently.
With that kind of dialogue, as Hilary and I have moments to discuss the situation we are beginning to convince ourselves that we are going home. We even ease drop on a couple a curtain away that is being told as we speak that the will need to come back on Saturday!!! We stay patient and positive (or atleast try to be).
In walks Dr. G! We just met her this past Tuesday. She was awesome, and we are so happy to see a familiar face. She discussed the induction options and based on her assessment, Hilary will be receiving Cervadil. I'm confused... Weren't we supposed to go home tonight? I kindly ask the doctor, and she basically says, "Hilary is staying, you are going." Ok... Didn't really see that coming, but it just tells me, we still have long to wait and I gotta get our labour bag in the car. Boy was I wrong.
What usually happens with these types of situations is Hilary goes down to the antepartum unit where expecting mothers stay overnight and await a labour & delivery room (depending on how far along they are). There is no room down there, so they end up finding us this side room in the labour and delivery unit that is not really used that much, but the GREAT thing is that I can stay with her in this room overnight! We are ecstatic! At this point, we didn't care if it was a closet as long as we got to stay side by side. Maybe it was just the fear of the unknown, or maybe it was fate.
We get to this room that has a bed and a chair that is keeping an additional door closed. What is sweet is that it is right by the washroom which we use to brush our teeth and get ready for bed. We glance looks at eachother as we unpack our things and make camp for the night, smile and say, "this is fun." At this point, I can tell that Hilary is so relieved that I get to stay. Even though some would feel they are getting the short end of the stick, we somehow feel we are getting special treatment. A really nice nurse assists us in getting settled and we try to turn down for the night. I find this nursing chair to sit on and put my legs on the foot of the hospital bed that Hilary is sleeping in. She has that Cervadil stuff in her working its magic. We go to bed at 12am...
What's that noise? Even though it was the most uncomfortable chair and position in the world, I manage to squeeze out maybe 10 minutes of actual sleep. But I wake up to some heavy "in through the nose out through the mouth" breathing. "What's going on baby?" I look at my watch and see 2:03am. Apparently Hilary has actually started labour. Thinking that it was still early labour, I try to sleep a bit more but keep on getting awaken by these regular breathing patterns. I should get up.
So I start timing these contractions. The Iphone contraction timer app completely blows. Instead I begin to use my stopwatch on the iphone and simply hit "Lap" every time a contraction begins. Sooo much easier. I'm curious to see that these contractions are only about 2.5 minutes apart. "That's weird." I'm gonna get her some water. I see the nice nurse who took us to the room and she asks how we are doing. I say "we are doing fine. And just so you know, I think her contractions have started." She says that she will come and check on us in a bit. I come back to Hilary who is now in definite pain from these contractions. I can tell she is really having a tough time coping. I try massaging her back, but that proves to be too much, she just wants me to place my had where the pain is. If I have any advice for guys out there anticipating helping their wives through labour, try not to do too much, be there, get ice chips and water regularly, keep lip chap close by, and offer works of encouragement. That's it. Stop trying to control a situlation you really can't control. Enter the nurse who asks how far apart the contractions are. I tell her and she says, "Really?" I later find out that she was telling her colleagues that she didn't think we were doing it right. She leaves us and we continue working our way through contractions. The nurse brings back one of those big bouncy balls and we try to use that during contractions. Hilary doesn't like it at all. The pain is becoming unbearable! Finally the nurse says, maybe we should assess you and see how far along you are. She finds that Hilary is already 7cms!
I can see that the nurse is very surprised and she immediately leaves the room and tries to get us into a labour and delivery room. By the time she gets back, Hilary and I have already talked about the epidural. Hilary tells me thought she will likely need it. This pain is crazy! The sounds coming out of Hilary are furious. She turns into the HULK. For a moment it sounds like a horror movie when the helpless women screeches at the top of her lungs. We are reminding by the nurse that the sounds have to be lower in pitch and breath had to be slow. Good call, because otherwise we would have awaken the entire unit. Hilary has some pipes on her. During the next contraction, the nurse picks up on the sound of the urge to push from Hilary (amongst all the crazy noises she is making). "Hilary, are you feeling the urge to push?" "YES!" Calmly and urgently the nurse says, ok, after the next contraction, we need to get her onto this wheel chair and take her to the delivery room! I start packing like a madman. We are scattered across the entire room and I gotta pack quickly before the contraction starts. Hilary needs me! I've already discovered that the contractions last about a minute and a half, and it helped to let her know when the contraction was half over so the end of it was near. Contraction begins and Hils begins to focus on her breathing once again. She was doing UNBELIEVABLE!!! Even though she mentioned the epidural she was coping great and deep down I knew she could do without, but it wasn't up to me. Hilary was being an absolute warrior. I really didn't know she had it in her. So determined, so focussed... amazing.
Once that contraction was over, we get her on the wheel chair and the nurse hurries her to the next room. "Hilary if you want me to stop when the next contraction starts just let me know. We will do whatever feels best for you." We get to the labour and delivery room that is friggin on the other side of the unit and I put everything in the corner. I get a moment again with Hilary and she says "Epidural, no question!" Meaning, "don't ask me again, this is what I need." The pain according to Hilary felt like dieing at this point. The nurse orders the epidural and we continue.
Dr. G pays us a visit and assesses us and suggests the laughing gas as we wait for the epidural. Hilary tries it, and immediately throws it away because it makes her feel gross. In preparation for the epidural, Hilary gets an IV. Once we are assessed the doctor decides it is time to push. The contractions are just crazy at this point. What I didn't know about pushing was that it helps with coping because you get to start pushing against the contractions. Pushing begins at about 4:15am.
Time has passed likely a freight train. Every time we push, we do so in 10 second intervals, then a quick gasp of breath and another 10 seconds until the contraction is over. Hilary is just exhausted. But the water is not quite broken yet... surprisingly. Hilary tries a pushing position on all 4s.
Breaking the water:
With Hilary on all 4s butt facing out, the doctor goes in to break her water. But as this is happening, a contraction starts and Hilary starts pushing. With a sound like 5 water balloons breaking over a window, her water doesn't break, but it splashes like a tsunami, and guess whose face is right in harms way...Dr. G. Poor thing. It was sooo funny, but the last thing I could do at that time was laugh. The nurse and I had a nice laugh about it afterwards!
All we could do at this point was continue to go through the motions. The anesthesiologist walks in with the epidural, and Shannon quickly waves her off saying "too late." I don't know how Hilary kept the energy to push for that long. They becom more and more intense, and we have to will eachother to get through them. Whether it is Hilary squeezing my hand, me placing my had on her back, or us pushing our heads together and pushing with intensity, we fight through. I felt closer to her than ever!
At one point, as Hilary struggled through the time between contractions because the baby's head was right there, the nurse asks Hilary to feel down there. "That's the baby's head!" As if it would give Hilary that extra bit of energy to finish strong. What a great nurse!
Seeing only a sliver of the baby's head and seeing how much pain she was in, I wonder how the rest of her could possibly get through that tiny hole. CRAZY! The nurse uses mineral oil to soften things up down there so she can stretch more. Once she crowns, Hilary feels the imfamous "Ring of Fire." I see what it looks like and understand exactly how it got its name. By this time, Hilary is in a squat like position with a bar in arms length so she can pull on it with her biceps to push more effectively. I run and get the camera.
She pushes until I see the baby's head and face, (still motionless), then the rest of her comes out. This beautiful purplish body. I was immediately surprised to see that she wasn't covered in too much goop. She is also so long, and more and more baby keeps coming out of my wife! Finally I hear an enormous cry which is the sweetest sound on the face of this planet. We immediately start balling and saying "oh my god, oh my god!" We can't believe we made it here! Hilary looks completely exhausted. I'm trying to take pictures of her fresh out of the womb. Dr. G gets me to cut the cord and places the baby directly onto Hilary's bare chest. We can't hold back tears.
Lilah was born at 5:20am, October 15th, 2010. 7lbs, 5oz of absolute cuteness. No words can express how proud I am of your amazing Mamma! She did it like a warrior. I always knew she was special, but what she was able to do was an absolute miracle. I now have 2 miracles in my life making me the luckiest man in the world. Our family begins again. Thank God both my girls are healthy and thank you Hilly for this gift. I'll spend the rest of my life thanking you for all you've done for us.
(Our gorgeous Lilah, about 10 days old)
1 comment:
Thank you for sharing this! I love that we get both sides of the story, I will definitely make my husband read it! My favourite part: "I tried imagining each one being an ocean wave, coming and going, and then wanted to vomit all over those words I once read." hahaha! Thank you for telling it like it is!
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