It would seem that you are men of many ages! You are not only both of the above, but you are also just 3 days shy of being a whole month old. How on earth an entire month has gone by, I will never know. I feel like you were born this very afternoon, the memories of that day so fresh and clear in my mind. And yet, when I see you with my own eyes I realize that you are so much bigger and more grown than the babies that I met that day - than even the babies I saw yesterday. Your skin is a different colour, you've rounded out, you've lost a lot of your wrinkles, you don't have as many machines connected to you and you look and feel bigger every. single. day. You are eating only mummy's fortified breast milk, and are starting to show signs of 'cueing' - which means you might be ready to start nuzzling at the nipple and trying out a new, much more fun, method of eating soon! Me and your papa and your big sister Lilah are so incredibly, very proud of you both. You so far have proven to be everything except trouble makers. Your uneventful stay so far (described by some as the best kind of boring) has more recently been filled with goofy half smiles, big googly eyes, wiggling out of your rolled up blanket restraints, hiccups, dreamy giggling sounds, squeaks, sleeping, pooping, eating and growing. Your nurses are enamored by you both, and we sure are, too :)
Nash
Breathing: Nash is off the SiPAP and back on the CPAP! Hooray! This means he's not getting any assisted breaths, and aside from this machine keeping his lungs inflated between breaths, he is breathing room air entirely on his own. The transition was quick and somehow he seems to be doing even better off the SiPAP. He has far less bradycardia episodes and keeps his oxygen levels up in the 90s most of the time. He still definitely has the occasional A&B moment, but most of them are spontaneous - meaning quick dips and he recovers on his own. They also seem to be related to his feeds, so they are watching him closely for silent reflux.
Feeding: He is on full feeds for his weight, on a 1-hour pump (nice and slow, he seems to like it that way) and taking just my breast milk fortified with HMF (human milk fortifier). I'm sure this stuff is actually helpful in getting these little babies to put on weight, but I just wish there was another way to do it that didn't involve using something like this. I know that my breast milk is the best possible thing for them and that it's contributing to their overall health and well-being even at this stage in their lives, but it kind of feels like this HMF turns my breast milk into formula. I wish that my milk was enough on its own to grow these guys as rapidly as the doctors want them to. I'll be chatting with the NICU lactation consultant tomorrow about bringing in only fresh hind milk, instead of both fore and hind milk. Hind milk contains more fat, therefor more calories and maybe they won't need as much HMF or any at all if my milk alone can provide the nutrients they need to grow like weeds. As I mentioned, Nash is showing symptoms of silent reflux - during or after a feed, he will stop breathing as the food comes back up a bit. It doesn't come all the way up, which is why it's called 'silent' reflux. He has the occasional aspirit, too. I think this reflux still a normal preemie thing, and something that he will likely grow out of as he gets a little older. Check this out...he found his thumb one night!! He didn't do much with it, just a little sucking and then more sleeping.
Seeing: I am finally getting pictures and video of this sweet little man with his eyes open! I haven't seen them get quite as wide as Lincoln, and they seem to be slightly less coordinated (well...both boys' eyes seem to be uncoordinated at this point), but he is GORGEOUS. I mean he always is, but especially with his eyes open. He's still got his CPAP so it's really hard to tell, but in a few photos he looks exactly like Lilah did as a baby. Memories of that peaceful, 'normal' time flooded back to me. He will be seen by a neonatal ophthalmologist within the next couple of weeks, just as a routine check for eye function as he was born so premature. I'm looking forward to hearing the results!
Weight: This little mister weighs 2lbs13.9oz!! Gaining weight like a pro!
Bathrooming: All is well in this department! I am super impressed with the sheer amount of poop Nash can put out. He always seems to be pooping, especially while you're actually changing his diaper. It's like it's the perfect storm, having his butt exposed to the cold air and wipes, knees pulled up and towards his abdomen. The poop just starts flying. I wish I could describe how cute a preemie's poop is...but if you haven't been there, I just don't think you could imagine it ;)
Kangarooing: Nash is so calm during skin to skin time, which is quite a variation from his brothers' twitching and wiggling. He is most often asleep as soon as I have him on me, and occasionally about half way through, he'll fuss a little bit and lift his head up - which I've taken as a cue to let me know that he wants to turn his head the other way, but can't because his CPAP mask is in the way. So I help him out, turn his head, and he's back to sleep before I even get his head back down on my chest. I could just stare at these sweet, tiny little creatures all day long. I wish so badly that I didn't have to leave them all the time, that they could be home with us and that I could watch them and hold them any time I wanted.
Personality: He is still a sweet, calm, gentle little boy. He still loves to sleep on his tummy, and more recently it seems like he likes to be swaddled a bit. While I was in there to hold Lincoln, Nash was on his tummy and swaddled and didn't make a peep the whole time. He hadn't even moved from the time I got there to the time I left, aside from him sort of burrowing his head into his blankets kind of like a cat kneading his paws into a pillow. He looks like a guy who really enjoys and appreciates his sleep...we'll see how that plays out when he gets older!
Other: They have started to put our boys in clothes! Teeny tiny clothes that are still too big, but oh so cute. I love to dress them up in their sleepers after a diaper change. It's like I get to tuck them in, and get them all warm and snuggly for a good, long sleep.
Lincoln
Breathing: I can hardly contain myself...Lincoln got his CPAP off today, and he is breathing like a champ!! He's got a nasal cannula now, which is providing him with just humidified room air. He's now in charge of inflating his own lungs and I can't express how amazed I am! He's keeping his oxygen levels in the 90s all by himself. Great job little man :) It's so crazy to see his face. I saw him today and it felt like I was meeting him for the first time. My heart bursted. Aside from that, my favourite thing about getting rid of the CPAP is the absence of noise!! That thing was crazy windy, and now I can hear the beautiful sound of his breathing, and that sticky dry mouth sound he makes when he smacks his lips, or sucks or swallows. Heavenly. Even holding his head is a beautiful new experience. I can feel all of him. I wonder if he can feel and hear me better too. He was really quiet and still during our snuggle - like he could finally hear my voice clearly. Or he was calmed by the sound of my heart beating. We had some FaceTime with papa and Lilah today from the hospital so that they could see Lincoln without a mask on, too. Want to know what Lilah first said? "He has a piggy nose!" hahaha I know Lincoln...I can't believe she said that either...
Feeding: He's doing great on full feeds of mommy's fortified milk! He has a rare aspirit every now and then, and an occasional brady associated with his feed, but it's still very normal for his age. He's off the pump feed and is now taking bolus feeds over about 10-12 minutes. The nurse (or me when I'm with him) holds up the syringe of milk as gravity pulls it through his feeding tube. They've switched him to an NG tube, so it goes through his nose instead of his mouth. He's starting to 'cue' which means he might be ready to start nuzzling and playing at the good old 'do-do's for a newer, more exciting method of getting his food in. During a feed, the nurses will sometimes give him a few drops of breast milk and a soother and he'll go to town on it! Now that he's off the CPAP, we have been cleared to start experimenting!
Seeing: Lincoln still has his eyes open most often during our visits! He's SO curious! Constantly turning his head to whichever direction the sound is coming from, blinking and shifting his eyes, trying to focus on something. We have locked eyes several times, and it's like he grabs a hold of my heart and I can't look away until he does first. I still don't know for sure that he can really see much, but goodness it sure feels like he can. He will be getting his eyes checked likely next week as well. I'm looking forward to seeing what the neonatal ophthalmologist says!
Weight: He weighed in at a whopping 3lbs3oz!! Holy moly - I knew he felt quite a bit heavier than Nash during skin to skin!
Bathrooming: He is still pooping and peeing like a champion. Today during a diaper change, we noticed that his bum looked a little red so we put some cream on it. I wonder if this little man has his first diaper rash! Poor thing!
Kangarooing: This has become even more of a joy now that the CPAP is gone (as if I thought it could get even better). It was incredible to pick him up out of his isollette today, to hold his head and little body. I stared at him for a good few minutes before smushing him onto my chest. He was so calm and peaceful, so soft and squishy. He always looked like a real baby to me, but now even more so. I gently stroked his beautiful smooth head as he slept on me, barely making a peep. He seemed to really be enjoying himself to the fullest. *sigh* what a night!
Personality: Lincoln is still my goofy little man. There's just something in his eyes and his facial expressions that crack me up. Maybe it's just that he's more awake than Nash is, and being so preemie he just looks that way. haha Oh my...and if you're doing something he's not impressed with, he'll let you know. Otherwise he's just a silly, quiet little guy. He might be a bit of a boob man - the night before last, during our snuggle, he seemed very uncomfortable and just couldn't get himself in the right spot. He kept sort of 'falling' towards my right, rather inching his way over. I thought that was making him uncomfortable so I kept moving him back to my centre. Well eventually I just let him go where he wanted to, and he ended up finding a comfy spot right on top of my right breast. He had both arms out wide to each side, like he was hugging it, and passed out. Every now and then, he would turn his head towards my skin and open his mouth and stick his little tongue out. He was a few inches away from my nipple, but I could tell he was instinctively trying to get at something. Babies are such amazing little creatures. I am just in awe. I said AWE...not yawn...
Other: He started wearing clothes too! He's spent some time in a few different sleepers and onesies provided by donations to the hospital. I mentioned it before, but we will be experiment at the breast in the next day or two! The nurse also said that if he continues to do well, and starts to keep his own body temperature, they may be able to move him to an open air bed in a week or so. Wowzers. But he still seems so small! Maybe they start gaining weight more quickly as they get a little older.
Jude
The most special thanks to you, sweet baby Jude. I know you've been keeping a very close eye on your brothers, it's blazingly obvious! One would only need to look at those two and know that they have the most amazing guardian angel for a brother. I don't know where we'd be without you. A social worker from the hospital today brought by the pictures they took of you on the day you were born. I looked at them by myself in the car before heading home for the night, and I cried. We have a picture of you that daddy took, but these were from different angles and in different light, and included your tiny feet and your tiny hands. Even one of your ear :) I hadn't realized it, but the blanket and items they put in your memory box had touched you as well, as I see them wrapped around you in these pictures. These are items I will treasure for the rest of my life. I hope you've flown high and made some of the most amazing friends in heaven sweet baby boy. We all love you and miss you so much.
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