Bad Timing

I AM SICK. Not 'can't clean my house' sick. Not 'can't go out shopping and run errands' sick. Not 'can't have fun and play with Lilah' sick. I am sick as in 'can't go see my baby boys in the NICU' sick. A runny nose is enough to be shunned from such a place, though I absolutely understand and am glad that they have such strict rules in place. I certainly wouldn't want any other person wandering around the NICU with a cold, touching things and breathing all over the place. But when it's YOU - it's just a little harder to follow the rules. I probably shouldn't have been in there all day Thursday following Nash's surgery. But I sucked it up and was VERY careful, and there was no way anyone was going to tell me that I couldn't be with my baby during the hardest moments of his recovery. But then Friday came, and BAM that cold hit me full on. I haven't been in to see my boys since Thursday, and I was really hoping that I'd be better by now.

The worst part of it all is that they've been talking about discharge. There are doctors and nurses and occupational therapists who need to talk to me, and here I am. At home. Sick and banned from the NICU. There are SO many things to be done, to talk about, to learn, I was even hoping to lodge in and stay overnight at the hospital for a couple of nights before taking them home, and I can't do any of those things until I'm well enough to visit. I managed to make it 3 months fighting all kinds of germs and not getting sick once throughout all of this. I always chalked it up to my mommy hormones, knowing that I wouldn't get to visit if I got sick, so I just didn't let myself get sick. Well...my mommy hormones failed me big time during the worst time, too. And it feels like one of those stupid mild colds that come on and stay for a while, instead of hit big and head back home a few days later. I feel like there is no end in sight, and it's driving me crazy that it could be another day or two or more before I get to see my baby boys. It's been over half a week!!! That's HUGE in baby time!!!

Plleeeeease get better soon!! I need to see my tiny little men!!! They need their mama!