I was actually going to write a long, more detailed post about the events of yesterday (as I type this...I realize this will probably end up long and detailed anyway, haha) but decided that instead of rehashing through all of the doctor visits and tears and feelings, I'll start by pasting an email I sent to my nearest and dearest girlfriends yesterday evening, which explains well enough what we were handed yesterday. I've added a few pieces of information in there for my own record, and just made sure I didn't miss something important. I had a good long moment with myself last night, and vowed not to let myself think of the worst and instead only look ahead and imagine how beautiful life will be once we've grown these babies and get to bring them all home with us, healthy and strong.
A couple of you know the events of yesterday (Monday the 17th) - for the others, I was admitted to the antepartum unit at the hospital following our ultrasound yesterday with a shortened and funneling cervix. Even though there's no evidence that giving me steroid shots this early would help develop the babies lungs given their gestational age of 23 weeks and 4 days, they've given me two shots just in case things are headed south quickly. They were injected into either hip 24 hours apart - it really wasn't bad at all, just felt a little gross and once the needle was out it was sort of like the juice left a lump. Not an actual one, just felt like one. I'll be pumped up in no time ;) I have yet to read more about the steroid shots, though I have a memory of reading something that mentioned a second round of steroid shots is not recommended (should the babies not be coming now, but still arrive before their lungs are mature, say in a month or so from now) as there haven't been enough studies done to show that there are no lasting effects on the babies past the first round of shots. This would be unfortunate if it was true, because in the same article it mentioned that the shots are really only useful if the babies will be born shortly after them being administered, as they lose their effectiveness overtime. But in any case, I'm glad we took the shots now because there's no telling what the next few days or weeks have in store for us.
I was here overnight and had some lower back aches and tightening whenever I rolled over in bed. This morning I was hooked up to a contraction monitor and it showed that I was having some pretty frequent, regular contractions - mild and uncomfortable but not painful. I haven't had a scan of my cervix again today to check for length, but an internal exam seemed to show that it's shortened even more and is getting softer, though not dilating at this point. The babies are doing great, heart beats and moving like crazy ninjas in there - seems like we got over one hurdle and have anther huge one to jump. They are quite concerned that I am or will be in preterm labour very shortly. I will almost certainly be on hospital bed rest until the babies are born (and we're praying for another 2 months, which would bring us to almost 34 weeks, to give them the best chance). We were seen by a NICU doctor today, Dr. Hasan, to explain what would happen if the babes are born before Friday, and it's not good. Their likelihood for survival is extremely low, and if they did make it, there is an extremely high chance that they would be living with lifelong debilitating disabilities. He recommended that we not take them by c-section until 25 weeks, because of what we could be trying to deal with (babies that didn't make it) while I'm also trying to heal from major surgery. So if they come before then, they will likely be born vaginally (though we still have the choice). If they come before 24 weeks (Friday) he recommended against trying to resuscitate them, though I believe we still have a choice on that as well. As well, I will be asking if we happen to deliver vaginally within the next week, whether there is a chance that they could stop labour after delivering the twins, and keep baby C, the fraternal, in there. I've heard of this happening in certain cases, and it can sometimes buy another couple of days or weeks. We thought he'd be taking us on a tour of the NICU, but he also advised us against that, considering that our babies would be so pre-term if we had them this early that they would likely not survive, and it wouldn't be worth the emotional tour and stress that it would put on an already extreme-risk pregnancy.
Each day from here on is considered a milestone, and each week will be a welcome miracle for these boys and improves the odds dramatically. We will be doing everything possible to keep these boys cooking. Most importantly we need to stay positive and ask for prayers!! It's been a difficult couple of days, and I'm finding it really hard not to let myself think of the darkest of possibilities. But I'm working on trying to change that around ASAP because I know it isn't doing us any good. Crying is a good stress reliever at this point, but I haven't slept and am completely exhausted. I'm hoping I'll make up for it tonight. Lilah is here with papa visiting, and it's bringing me back to life. We're not up for visitors other than family just yet as things aren't stable and could hit the fan at a moments notice. But when I'm ready I'll let you know and they have some really lenient visiting policies here! We could even have a little party in my room here once we get to that stable point ;) I've read many positive stories of women in worse shape than I am and still managed to postpone delivery until 30+ weeks, so these are the stories I need to be focusing on and hanging on to.
So, there we have it. I'm hoping that this will be one of the last few times that I need to allow myself to indulge in the most depressing of dark places at this point. I'm making a mental list with all of this stuff at the bottom, and perfect, fat, healthy baby boys at the very top. And every day, week and month that passes, our top of the list gets that much closer. We're in here for the long haul, and we had been from the very beginning - first when we found out we were expecting again, and even more so when we learned we had been blessed with three - so nothing has changed in that respect. The longer I can cook these babies, the better it will be not just for them, but for our entire little (big) family!
No comments:
Post a Comment